im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
