And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
