Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
