i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
