I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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