My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
