But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
