Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
