Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
