Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You're breaking my sexual little heart
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
