I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
