is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
