i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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