Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
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