You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
