That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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