my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
