I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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