I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
My brain says no but my pants say off.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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