It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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