so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
