it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
