does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
