I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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