that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
