I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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