Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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