I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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