Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
