All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize