Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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