...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize