tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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