Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
