So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
