How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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