i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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