I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
