I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
my phone needs a breathalizer
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
