nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
