i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize