GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
