im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
