he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
