I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
