I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
