My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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