Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
