Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize