i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
the liver wants what the liver wants
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
