He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
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