I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
