Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
