What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
