and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
