the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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