I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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