Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
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