That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
