I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
