He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
