I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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