ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm way too hungover for life right now
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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