You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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