i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
