this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
