"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
