Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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