i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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