omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize