It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Never joke about your clitoris.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
