Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize