Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Randomize
