that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She's like a pop up book from hell.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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