I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
