i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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